Working man

Well the plan was to have a couple of weeks before starting any work, if the temp agency actually came up with anything at all, to get myself sorted. Reorganise my finances into travel friendly accounts. eBay anything of value that I won't be taking travelling. But about an hour after writing that blog, and about 22 hours after leaving the temp agency, they call me with a placement. Starts on Tuesday. Fuckin' great. It may only be a 4-day placement, but it's still work for fucks sake. I was hoping that if I signed up with a few agencies, then I could tell myself that I was doing all that I could to get work, but it just wasn't happening, then spend the Summer watching porn and wanking. Now though, I am going to be gainfully employed for at least 4 days this Summer. How fucking depressing. And what kind of work? The joys of data entry.

Anyway, I had a look at the website of this place that I'll be working next week. I thought I should at least pretend to be interested. But I'm going to be working at this swanky looking solicitors... I don't even know what data they could want entering. The amount of their employees that kill themselves each year out of boredom? But I thought I should still make the effort. And this looks a pretty classy place, so the first thing I did was get on my bike and cycle to Primark. Got myself some classy white shirts. £3 each. I should fit right in! I needed some accessories too. I think I forgot to mention it in the blog entries, but I lost, or had stolen my phone somewhere in Mexico. It was there when I was in New York for the first time. It was gone by the second time. That is all I know. But I thought, working in a solicitors, I need myself a classy mobile phone. So I also cycled down to Tesco's and got the cheapest 'pay as you go' phone they had. An extortionate £17.50. That's nearly 3 hours wages gone already!!! But with my Primark shirts and Tesco mobile phone, I look the bollocks! I'll be a solicitor in no time.

Now that did give me a long weekend to get some things sorted. But the other problem I had, was that the American football teams fantasy NFL draft was held on Friday. And anyone who knows me, knows that I live for the NFL. I spent 2 weeks in Mexico coming up with a draft board; the perfect strategy. And what happens? I get picked fucking 18th in the draft order. Out of 18. And ESPN doesn't have a very clever auto-draft. They don't fill your starting spots first like most drafts. So not only do I pick last, but after my first 2 picks of star wide-receivers, I then pick 4 consrcutive QBs. And I don't pick a RB until round 8, so fucking great, I have 4 starting QBs, 3 defences and no starting RBs or TEs. But at least I could get some points from that team. That was until Steve Smith, my no.2 headlines pick, decided to punch a team-mate in the face and get suspended for 2 games. And Andre Johnson, my no.1 pick, pulls up with a groin injury. All within 48 hours of the draft. So instead of doing things useful, I've spent most of the weekend scouring the waiver wire for the slim-pickings of free-agents. And unlike many of the people playing in this league, I know my NFL. And it will kill me if I get beaten by any one of them. But it wasn't a good start to the NFL season anyway. Waivers start tomorrow, which is when I start clawing my way back into this game. Sorting the rest of my life out is on hold now. This is too damn important!

Now I think I said somewhere, that one of the most important thing for me to do this Summer, is to get back into shape before I start travelling for real. Lose my Mexico boobs. But since I've been back, that really hasn't been happening. It's not that I haven't been exercising: I'm getting to the gym nyon daily, and everywhere I go, I'm cycling so I'm getting good exercise everytime I leave the house. On top of that, my 100 day detox is still going strong. This is day 15, so 15% of the way there (By detox, I mean no alcohol, not a proper detox). But I have really been lacking discipline in my diet, and I think that's holding me back. Mexico got me unfit, it lost me noticable muscle, but worst of all, it got me into some bad eating habits and lost me the disciline I had before I left. It made me start eating for taste again, and that is something I just don't do. There are 2 things I consider when eating food. The first is the nutritional value. The second is the financial cost. Taste is an irrelevancy. But Mexico got me back into a bad habit of eating the foods I felt like eating, rather than the foods I should be eating. I wasn't even eating the wrong foods. Just the right foods at the wrong times. Food I should be having in the morning or after my workout, I was eating for dinner, and vice-versa, so I spent a while yesterday getting myself back onto a disciplined diet again. I've said in the past that, in my opinion at least, the most important factor of any workout programme, whether it be weight-loss or weight gain, is your diet. What you do in the gym alters very little. It is what you consume into your body that significantly changes on each programme. So as of yesterday I'm back on a very disciplined diet of eating specific food types at specific times of day. It was fun eating at McDonalds for a month. But until I'm back to at least the physical condition I was before Mexico, McDonalds is off the menu. This is going to be a fun Summer. Working at a solicitors and eating piss. Fuckin' rock 'n' roll!

The other thing on the cards for me right now, is I need to sort my flights to Canada, to get them before the price goes up too much. Although that is a little difficult seeing as I don't know if I'll have a job to be starting as I arrive yet. What is even more fun, is finding a low-cost flight out of North America (Canada, USA and Mexico), that can either be insured against in the event of me cancelling it, or that provides a 100% refund. As you enter Canada, you need to prove that you're leaving the country after 12 months by providing your travel details. Seeing as I want to travel the US once my Canadian visa expires, albeit probably illegally by that point, I need a flight out of North America that I can cancel and get a 100% refund on. I've heard about a refundable airline that flies from Miami to Guatemala, so I'll have to look into that. I'll need some backup evidence as well, that I'm "actually" going to Guatemala so Canadian customs don't get suspicious, so that'll be fun to sort out. I'll get myself a camel-trading license or something. That should fool them.

All this red-tape though is a fucking hassle. The international Big Brother is growing and growing. And it's starting to get to me. I'm feeling too restricted in my "freedoms." Not just in international travel, but in all sorts of aspects of life. To take a quote out of Sin City, I'm feeling like I was born in the wrong era. I don't know why, but just recently, I've had this real fire burning inside me. And I just need an outlet of some kind. I feel chlostrophobic in all of the regulations we now live within. I just feel I should've been born a few-thousand years ago. Back in an age, where status was determined, not by intelligence, or more commonly known as cock-sucking, as it is today. But when strength of body and strength of character determined your ability to survive. Back in the cave-man age, the man who was strongest and fastest, would eat first as he could catch his prey the easiest. An intelligent man may have survived, but he would eat second. But somewhere along the line, the intelligent man changed the world, maybe through the introduction of speech, and resultingly, trade, the world has become a place where strength counts for very little. And instead of having a species full of testosterone, we have one full of metrosexual pussies that allow emotion to control them, and scour away at the first sign of physical pain. And I just don't feel comfortable in the way the Western-world at least, is changing. What ever happened to survival of the fittest? The world we live in now, has halted evolution. The reason there were none of these pussy-ass men wearing make-up and crying at a damn paper-cut before, is that evolution killed off these pussy's. Now they're allowed to thrive, and I don't feel comfortable in a world where every damn thing is designed to avoid pain or effort. I want an outside world void of hierarchy, where you keep what you earn. You don't sweat day-in and day-out to make someone else money. And I want a world, where the retribution of your actions is decided by those you affect. Who the fuck are the courts, or the police, to decide a suitable punishment for anyone who harms you. How do they know the level of grievance that any action has caused you. Right now I just long for a world, where I am answerable only to those whom I affect, and in the same way, they are answerable to me. And if you don't have the strength to stand for yourself in adversity, then you will be the vultures of the human race, surviving any way you can. I guess in a really long-winded way, I am trying to say, that I've seen a real lack of toughness in the world recently. A real lack of testosterone where people hide behind laws rather than be answerable for their actions. And it's not a world I particularly like. I just feel like I should've been born a few thousand years ago where balls meant more than brains. Where you weren't under 24-hour surveilance, and where if you had a problem, there was no authorities. You dealt with it yourself. Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel that I don't have the brains to be a success in today's world. Far from it. But its just, I don't think I want to be a success in today's world. You're essentially successful, in a capitalist world, at the expense of others. Screwing over people you don't know and have never met, for your own gain. At least in the corporate world. You charge people the highest price possible, for the cheapest crap you can muster. And I really don't think that is a world I want to be a success in.

Though I guess, at the end of the day, this is just the way I feel about todays world. In reality, no one has any clue as to what the purpose of life is. How there is even matter. And at the end of the day, people will no doubtedly be gone from the earth before long. We've been here 1.5 million years already, but the way we're going, another 100 is looking optimistic. And all humankind will be, is a blip in the history of the 4.5 billion years of the globe. And what the fuck was that all for? And even if we do, somehow, manage to still have any influence over the globe, even 50,000 years after the end of human-kind. What does it all matter? Eventually the sun will run out of energy, and our solar-system will be a thing of the past. And then all the stars we look at at night, they will die out too. And after this, maybe 10 billion year show since the big bang, anything surviving will simply say... what the fuck was that all about? And that pisses me off. I hate not knowing a reason for our existence. Matter cannot just appear. Even if there was a bang, something has to have caused it, and how the hell do things appear out of nothing? We all run around thinking we have the right way to live. We frequently kill each other in wars feeling that we have a better way than other people. In reality, no one has any fucking clue of the right way to live their life, because no one has any fucking clue why we're here in the first place. And that pisses me off. In the Western world, people live just to survive. They work harder in youth, to accumulate funds to survive when they're old. And then they die. Why? I live my life without any blue-print such as that. I think maybe why I travel is in the hope of somehow, some way, finding an insight into my existence. But when people, seemingly all the time, ask me what career I want to ultimately do, I have to reply through gritted teeth, "Oh something in management or along those lines." In reality though, if my life gets to a point where all I can see in my future, is a life of work, then fuck it, I may as well be dead already. No one may know the right way to live their life, but I'm pretty damned sure that sitting in an office 40 hours a week, isn't that way. And capitalist culture is disgusting in that manner. As stupid as this might sound, I'd rather live my life in a place with excitement. Somewhere where you can wake up every morning, not knowing if this will be your last. I'd rather live in a war-torn country and have excitement in living, than the bullshit we put ourselves through everyday. The charade we go through telling ourselves that we haven't wasted our lives by sitting in an office every day of our damned existence. Does no one else have the ambition to want to know. Just want to find out why we're here? Fuck there's probably about a 1 in a billion chance that I'll ever know. But if there's still a chance, then I have something to live for. If my life ever gets to the point that I am merely here, with no direction, then that is the point my life is over. If I ever resign myself to the life that most people lead, I will merely be another number among those who came before me, and never just asked why? And that not knowing... it eats away at me. But until someone can show me why their way to live their life is the way it should be, then fuck it, I'll be living my life my way until that point. I might not have any more clue than the next person, but at least it'll be my way. Better than living my life as a puppet to social demands.

I don't know how I got onto that. I should really write with more focus. But it doesn't change the fact that why I'm here; it plays on my mind a lot. I just struggle to go through everyday not knowing. Now I know I give religion a lot of shit when I write, and rightfully so; there is no way any current religious philosophy is actually correct. But in reality, at least it is a theory. Where as I have none. I guess for these people, it is better to live for an incorrect theory, than to live for no reason at all. Because I'll be honest, living for no reason, it really isn't working too well for me right now. That's not to say I'm suddenly going to start going to church or anything, you're still all fucking mental. It's just I haven't got any better ideas. Ah well. 3 months from now I start to travel. I can survive on a normal Western life-plan until then. Probably.

Home Back to travel blog Back to top Print this blog