I got a house (dead baby)


Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.


So I had pretty much settled on the fact I wasn't going to be able to arrange accomodation before I arrived in Invermere. All my hard work of trying to suck the dicks of everyone else who was going, so when they found a place they'd call me first, looked like it wasn't going to pay off. And I was just about to message someone who is in Invermere already to ask if I could have a couch to sleep on for a few days whilst I got myself sorted. Then all of a sudden, into my inbox popped an email from Greg: "Hey man this is a place I found today. Have a look at attachments and tell me what u reckon." He hadn't really found out too much about the place, but he had found a place that was available, and a place that we didn't have to be in Invermere to rent.

I'm pretty good at latching onto people so that I'll be the first one contacted with developments. But I'm also a bit of a control freak. I have to know what's going on with everything. Whenever I'm at work, for example, even if I'm in the position at the bottom of the ladder, I always have to know what's happening up top. I have to know everyones hours, even after I've left. I have to know turnover etc. I'm just an absolute control freak when it comes to organising things. And I bet he could see that in me. He knew that as soon as he'd found a place, I'd end up doing all the work from then on. Which is pretty much how it went down.

I wanted to talk to the landlord personally, so later that day I phoned them up. Greg had already got pictures of the place, so I had an idea about how it looked. I just wanted details. Furnishings, Internet, laundry, bills etc. And apart from Internet, everything checked out. Everything sounded great, apart from when I asked them where we would go from here, they said: "Well normally we'd take a cheque as deposit. But there'd be no point you sending it from England because you'd probably arrive before it would, so I guess if you want the place, we'll just take your word for it." I ended up asking them to hold the place for 24 hours, and I'd call them back tomorrow. You could tell they were a pretty old couple. I doubt they've heard of Internet banking or anything to that nature.

I was quite satisfied. A fully-furnished (including dishwasher) place, for $475 per month each, right in downtown; it was the best we could hope to find. Greg agreed, so the next day I got back on the phone to them. I had to ask them to wait the 24 hours, because with me being in England, Greg being in Australia and the house being in Canada, I'm sure you can appreciate that there were some time-difference issues.

So anyway, I called them back again yesterday. "We'd like to take the condo" I said. I was speaking to the woman at this point. And in a typical Canadian response: "You would... eh!" I then got put through to the husband, who ran through a few rules for us to ignore. No partying, no tennants, that kind of thing. And I love how where we are now. We have accepted the rental. But no money has been passed. Instead, they have agreed to meet me when I arrive in Invermere. Because I can see there being complications, I am making this arrival, the 25th of November. That'll give me time to make alternative arrangements if this place doesn't materialise, and to get settled and get equipment I need sorted. I might even have the time for a couple of days in Banff.

Right now though, I just need to call them once my arrival plans are finalised, and they will meet me when I get off the bus. So although no contract has been signed, and no money has changed hands, I think I have my Invermere accomodation sorted! The biggest negative of this place was that it doesn't have Internet in the unit. There are apparently nearby Internet cafes, so keeping this website updated won't be impossible. It'll be a little harder than it needs to be though. I guess I'll do all of my writing and site updates in the appartment, and then just go to the nearest Internet cafe to upload everything. It's not the end of the world. I was planning on keeping the webcam rolling at any point that I was about previously. I guess whilst I'm staying at this place, the webcam feature on the homepage will be fairly obsolete. But fuck I'm happy to have something finalised.

So although the information I've been able to get is a little limited, apart from the fact that the owners are old, here's what I do know: No Internet, but nearby to Internet cafes. Other units in the building have Internet, so if we get really lucky, there'll be someone there with unprotected wireless that we can steal from. 2 blocks from downtown, and very nearby to where the bus to Panorama goes from. Fully furnished, including things like a dishwasher and all kitchen untensils. It's on the third floor. There is a communal free-to-use washer/dryer on the floor shared by all the units on the 3rd (I guess by 3rd floor they mean a Canadian 3rd floor, which is a 2nd floor in the UK). Bills will be around $50 per month.

And here's a couple of the images that I have:

Condo pictures

Condo plan

So that, as they say, is that. I can envisage problems seeing as there is no contract and no money changed hands. All there is, is a verbal agreement. But they sounded trustworthy, so unless I have reason to believe otherwise, I'll assume that I have a house. I'll be phoning them on at least 2 occasions before I arrive to make sure everything is as it should be.

Now my main worry, is will me and Greg get along? I assume so. I get along with most people. My biggest concern, is that I want to have a good relationship with our neighbours in other condos, and our landlords. So I won't be playing loud music at 3am or having huge parties, if it's going to upset either of them. I just hope Greg's the same. He sounds like someone who likes a few drinks. Just as long as he's not too loud at 3am, then I don't mind. But I want to get along with everyone if we can. They're big on accomodation references in Canada, so it'll be in my interest to stay on the good side of the landlords. And I'll have to see the neighbours everyday. From what I can tell, there is no elevator in the building. And we're on the 3rd floor. Old people wouldn't be able to walk that everyday, so I'd hope that means that our neighbours are at least somewhat young. Not much use speculating though. Now I have a place to live, it's time to concentrate on other things.

Now I bet you're wondering why it says

(dead baby)

in the title right? Well I have a new favourite hobby! Have you ever heard of the Streisand Effect? It basically means that when you try to censor information, it backfires and you just end up publicising the information. Well yesterday I was on Facebook, and I noticed that a couple of my "friends" had joined a group called "Remove and ban the group 'Dead babies make me laugh'." What a fucking awesome group "Dead babies make me laugh" is!!! I've literally never had so much fun. Now don't get me wrong, I feel pretty indifferent about dead babies. They aren't especially funny, they aren't especially unfunny. But I love conflict. I love a good argument. And the last thing that I did before I went to bed last night, and the first thing I did this morning, was go onto this group and start winding people up about dead babies. I've literally never been so popular. I have death-threats, countless messages, friend requests from people pretending to be my friends so they can get access to my personal details. And there is literally an endless stream of people offended by dead babies. I have probably spent the last 6 or 7 conscious hours of my life in this group, winding people up about dead babies. I've never known fun like it. If the world was powered by people offended by dead baby jokes, there would be no global warming. I haven't had so much fun in ages. I mean the dead baby group when I joined it had 70 members. The anti-dead baby group had 64,806 members. It's an endless supply of fun. And not being one to brag, but getting a rise out of people is one of my greatest talents. All the people coming onto the group trying to be clever saying "Don't pay any attention to them or stoop to their level"... Oh yeah. I got them to stoop to my level. And I loved it. The best thing is that no one would have ever found this group had there not been the group opposed to it. They literally brought it all on themselves. It is literally the most fun I've had in years. It's my new hobby. Dead babies.

And you know something, it reminds me of the Russell Brand, Jonathan Ross saga so much. When Brand and Ross made those phone calls, how many people complained? That's right, 2. Suddenly the Daily Mail decide it was inappropriate, and how many complain? Oh that's right, 40,000. Pretty much every one of the people who have joined the dead baby group, said they found it through the anti-dead baby group. No one would even know about it if 70,000 people hadn't decided to suddenly become offended. The Streisand effect baby. And what happened when 40,000 people complained about Russell Brand? Oh that's right, the media played the clip over and over and over, it was that offensive. This anti-dead baby group has poured so much fuel on the fire that there is enough people out either disgusted by this group, or loving it, that it's an endless line of fun.

And I know these people in the anti-dead baby group will be claiming that they're doing it for the good of the kids, that kind of crap. In reality, they need something to moan and complain about, as much as I need someone to have an argument with. Everyone has emotional needs like that. They can't truly be so dumb as to think that this would be half this bad had they not all gone on some damn "You will think what I think" power trip and made a 70,000 strong group protesting this group. As much as I love and need a bit of conflict in my life, they need the power of feeling like they're doing good in the world. Although they'd never admit it, what would they have done with their Sunday if they didn't have people like me to try and correct? Probably watched the news about some murderer and called their friend to discuss how terrible it is.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not searching out individuals who've lost babies and laughing at them or anything. But please tell me why it's offensive to post, in a group entitled 'Dead babies make me laugh', something like:

"What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion?
You don't dry when you chop up a dead baby."
Now I can appreciate that there are some boring retarded people out there who would find that offensive. But I'm pretty confident that they would realise that they would find the content of a group called 'Dead babies make me laugh' offensive before they clicked on it. So why did they click on it? Because their need to get on their high-horse once a day, is just as necessary as my need to have a heated debate every once in a while. They'd never admit it, but they need me as much as I need them. They need to try and prove they're right to someone. Even if it is a sick-fucker like me, as they would term it. Example:

Dead baby Facebook group

It's people like this that make all the hard work that goes into the dead baby jokes worthwile. The most fun I've had in ages. There's nothing more annoying than a group of people on Facebook who think they have the right to tell others what they can and can't think. To wind up 70,000 of the fuckers at once... my god it's been the best day in ages!!!

And look what I just found: According to The Sun, the group was banned 3 days ago. Baahaha, suck it. Freedom of speech wins.


What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib?
My ass.


It may also interest you to know that there's a 'Yay! Jade Goody has cervical cancer!!!!' group. It's much better than the 'Jade Goody can be a bitch, but let's support her in her fight against cancer' group. To me, Jade Goody was an annoying cow who I couldn't stand before she got cancer, so why would I now want to support her? People were making fun of her before she got cancer, but all of a sudden she's about to die so we have to be nice to her? Fuck that. She was a bitch before and she's a bitch now, dying or not. We're all dying. Why the fuck do you change your opinion of someone because she's just better at it? The only difference is, that we don't know exactly when we'll die. She'll hopefully be gone by Christmas. Retards who suddenly start caring for someone because they're about to die, when they thought they were a bitch yesterday... why? She hasn't done anything to stop being a bitch.

And, to make another point, don't people always ask to be treated the same? So in fact by treating her well now, you're going against her wishes. To me, before she was just an annoying cow. Now she's just an annoying cow with cancer. Hope you die soon Jade, just like I did before you got ill. Fuck I hate politically correct dickheads who get on their high-horse at every opportunity.

Jade Goody was incidentally a topic that me and my alter-egos were joking about in the forum this week. No one has risen to it yet though. I'm a little disappointed. I want confrontation on this website. That's what'll make it fun.

And speaking of this website, there's one very noticeble change on the homepage since I last wrote. I wanted to draw attention to the forum, as I said in the last blog. But I could not be bothered to move all the buttons about. And if I created something like the exorcist's 'Sign the Guestbook', I'd actually run the risk that the site would start looking professional, rather than the amateur, self-written first attempt at a website that it is. And the way I see it, is I stil don't have the talent to write the code for a very professional looking, glossy, website. So if I attempted to make the website professional looking, people would log on, and think "This dude has tried to make a professional website, but he's just shit at it." So what I needed, was to make this website look more amateur, so people will log on and think "Fuck, this dude really has no idea what he's doing, but he doesn't really care, so I'll read his blog and click on the adverts anyway." So to draw attention to the forum, I decided to graffiti on the homepage. No really.

Jro's World homepage

This was my answer to drawing attention to the forum. But the main problem with trying to look amateur, is that websites aren't designed to do that. They're supposed to look professional. So it was probably harder to implement this graffiti than it would have been to create something nice looking. In fact you can't tell to look at it, but this is actually made up of two images:

I've then had to spend ages fucking around with the positioning of them, so that not only are they both alligned correctly, but they also point at the forum. It would have been so much easier to just do something that looked good. But at least this way, the website has a unique look to it. And no one will accuse me of trying to look professional, but just being shit at it.

Finally, I've still not been contacted a second time to get my money from Icesave yet. I will soon be able to make an electronic transfer of the money, but at that point, it will not be to another tax-free account. To do that, I need some kind of certificate or something. Well I was thinking, that I would need to set up another ISA before I left the country, so I would have somewhere to send this money. Unfortunately, you're only allowed to set up one ISA a year, and I set up the Icesave one this year. Fuck it, I'm not losing my tax-free allowance, so I set up another ISA. The problem I had then, was that I wasn't willing to put all this money into this ISA, plus this years tax-free allowance, because what happens if that ISA then goes under like Icesave's did? To put it mildly, I'd be fucked. So I then decided to set up my 3rd ISA of the year, and each time I certified that it would be the only ISA I set up this year. Ah well. There used to be times when I cared about breaking the law. But so many things are illegal nowadays, it doesn't even cross my mind. I break the law everyday. Cycling through red lights, downloading pirate material etc. Are they really going to check if I actually set up 3 ISA's in a year? I don't think so either. I figured it was a risk worth taking to make sure my money is secure. And fuck it, even if they do realise... well I'll be out the country in 10 days. What are they going to do? Come to Canada and get me for opening up too many ISA's? No I didn't think so either. I couldn't see the logic to that rule, so I didn't obey it. That's pretty much my attitude to law. Why run the risk of having over 50% of my money in one account? I'm not investing over the £3,600 per year or anything like that, so why take the risk. It seemed a shit rule to me, so I ignored it. Just like red lights when no one is crossing the road. Why just sit there like a mug?

I really have to go now. It's been, like an hour since I had an argument about dead babies. I think I'm having withdrawal symptoms, so I really have to go.


Why did the toddler drop his lollipop?
He was hit by a truck.


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