1 week...

Sometimes I look at the world we live in, and wonder how it all got so fucked up. Sometimes I look at it and it brings a smile to my face. And other times I look at the world, and it brings a smile to my face because of how fucked up it is.

The Facebook group that I mentioned in the last blog, Dead babies make me laugh, defintiely falls into the latter category. It's been a long time since I've done anything quite as fun as being a part of that group. When you put hundreds of people with no moral boundaries in one place at once, then let the good times roll. More than anything, because of the reaction you can get those outraged by your actions.

I said in the last blog, that if you're a person who is going to get offended by immoral, politically incorrect humour, then looking at a group with the title 'Dead babies make me laugh', really is pretty stupid. It's funny stuff. Not aimed at a particular person or group of people, but just immoral, undirected jokes, such as: If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one's around to see it, is it still hilarious? Immoral, but harmful things like that. That's quite amusing on its own. But then add in a group of what is now 141,000 people who've made it their single life goal to have this group, and seemingly every single other group on Facebook that isn't about puppies or shoes, banned, and you have got yourself some serious fun!

Now you'd think that a group of people who'd join a group such as 'Dead babies make me laugh' would be a bunch of uneducated hoodlums. And you'd think that those opposed to such a group would portray themselves as the pinnacles of society. My God you cannot be more wrong. Those people in the group are some of the most open-minded, intelligent and funny people I've ever interacted with. Those in the "Ban" group are some of the most uneducated, illiterate, racist and just plain dumb people you could ever find. The girl who started the dead baby group was from Israel, and the amount of anti-Jew slander was mind-boggling. As was the typical yobbish English behavior of saying "You have no right to speak our language you dirty Jew", that kind of thing. In their fight to get this group banned, which is merely telling harmless jokes, people resorted to blasphomy, racism, I've lost count of how many death-threats I've received, citing things like we were the most sick, disgusting, vile excuses for humans walking the earth, before giving very funny and very detailed descriptions of how I should die. You could be a British citizen all your life, if you didn't have an English name you were a dirty Arab. There's something very ironic about that. This was their campaign to make the world better. Death-threats and racism for telling some jokes.

Their tactics to get the group banned go some way to describing their lack of intelligence. First of they were going to call in the police to arrest us all and shut down the site. Though after a while, they realised the police had better things to do than arrest people for telling jokes. So next they were calling the NSPCC and social services, to have members of this group with children (of whom there were many, which goes some way to demonstrating how unoffensive it was), have their kids taken away from them. Obviously this had no effect. So next they called in the press. The Sun had run a story already so ignored them, so they brought in the big guns: The Lincolnshire Echo ran this story yesterday. But my favourite of their tactics, has to be calling not only Trisha, but Jeremy Kyle as well. And you should have seen how happy they were when representatives of the show actually responded to them. "Jeremy Kyle is here to save the day" they shouted from the rooftops. I think that demonstrates the intellect of the people we were dealing with here. When Jeremy Kyle is you idol and saviour, then that really says it all. The police ignored them. Social services ignored them. The NSPCC ignored them. But it was ok. Jeremy Kyle was here to save them!!! Before that happened, they were asking themselves; "Why haven't the police got involved?" Poor little things, they just couldn't understand it. "Why hadn't the police arrested us all?" they asked to themselves. But then a representative of Jeremy Kyle sent them an email. And at that moment... at that moment, they knew that everything was going to be alright. Hunger in Africa would be abolished, AIDS would be cured and everyone in the world would win the lottery because Jeremy Kyle was here to save them. I mean for fucks sake. I've dealt with some dumb fucking people in my time, but this group, 141,000 strong, is a collection of the absolute retards that this country possess. If we could remove 141,000 people from claiming welfare every week, it'd help the economy no end. Just round up anyone who joined that group, and I guarantee that that the world would be a better place for everyone!

What was even better was when one of them wasn't sure which Jeremy to say, so she said "We could get Jeremy Kyle or Jeremy Paxman involved. Someone with a bit of clout." Dow. Poor, confused little thing. I'm sorry do disappoint you, but I think Jeremy Paxman might be a little busy this week to fight the war of people making jokes on Facebook. Maybe try Barack Obama. I here he doesn't have much to do at the moment.

Of course I got banned from the "ban" group (ironic). As did most people. In fact you couldn't write a post that wasn't strictly in line with their view of how the world should be without getting banned. You can still see the group once you're banned, you just can't have any input, so I took some screen shots of some things that people said before they were hurredly deleted. This was contrary to our group, where you were welcome to say anything. It all stayed.

This was the reason I got banned from their group. All I was trying to do was say thankyou, and I got banned. Can you believe it?

Needless to say that thread got deleted.

Now we tried to tell them, that if something is offensive, the best thing to do, probably isn't promote it through every means necessary. If you join a group on Facebook, every one of your friends can see that you've joined it. So by 141,000 people joining the ""Ban" group, 141,000 people's friends may have heard about it. I have 569 Facebook friends, so 141,000 × 569, and a shit-load more people will be privvy to this supposedly world-ending offensive content. Add into that things like coverage in the national press, and they were a great help in promoting our holy group. We tried to tell them that. Inevitably though, the posts that I took screenshots of below, were deleted. They couldn't have people questioning their campaign now could they?

I almost forgot about their other cunning plan... tell our universities!!! The genius of these people does astound me. After that maybe they could tell our banks, who would surely freeze all of our savings. Or maybe they could tell blockbusters to suspend our movie rental cards. Fuck me these idiots are dumb.

Their other genius idea (they had many), was to take all of our pictures from our profiles, and put them into another group. I don't know what they planned on doing with them when they were there. I think that maybe they thought we were hiding our identities somehow. I mean after all, we were only posting in a fully-open group, on the biggest social networking site in the world. Therefore it was surely necessary that we be put into another group to be looked at. It was funny.

Now unfortunately they were eventually successful in getting Facebook to shut the group down. We opened up another one about 2 minutes later under the same name, but unfortunately we had to start it from scratch. Luckily I'd taken a couple of screen-shots of the group before it closed. To remember the good times by. I should probably heed a warning at this point:

The following were taken from a group on the social networking site Facebook. They were contained in a group titled "Dead babies make me laugh." If you are a person who may find the content of such a group offensive, then don't be a fucking retard and continue reading. Kindly press the back button on your browser now and don't bother fucking emailing me to tell me that you find the content of this blog offensive. That's the kind of thing that those retards in the "Ban" group would do just so they had something to make a fuss about. They would carry on reading just so they found it offensive and had something to moan about, and I have already demonstrated them to be illiterate, uneducated, racist, Jeremy Kyle sucking facists. So if you are likely to find the following content offensive, then please fuck off now to avoid any offense.

The best way to conduct a home-applied abortion:

You can no doubt guess that the last poster there got abused. Not because of his post, but he doesn't have an English name. Poor innocent Taha Fagi-Hassan.

It's been such a fun week so far though. Since before I wrote the last blog, this has pretty much been what has taken my time. Is that a little worrying? Ah well. A new groups up now so we can start it all over again!!! Winding idiots like this up, will never get old. The worrying thing though, is that countless people have told them to ignore us. That we're only doing it for attention. Which is completely true. I've told them that for fucks sake, and it just makes them more angry, because they want to have a crusade to fight. That's why people saying common sense things like that were banned from their group. But the more angry they got, the more fun it was. We started coming up with a points system. Points for death threats, points for getting mentioned on the "Ban" groups wall etc. And we did this publically so they could all see that all we were doing was just for attention. That if they left, then we would've had nothing left to talk about, but they kept on coming. It was they funnest game, it really was. And although these people were absolute retards, I fail to believe that they couldn't tell that all their attention was what kept us going. Afterall, countless people told them so. Knowing that, and still failing to leave us alone, I have to ask, what was their true motive? Because they knew that by promoting us, they were throwing fuel onto the fire. Our new group is doing well, just because there were so many people in the old one that they were expecting a new one to be made straight away. I think they're just the kind of people, who, motivated by Jeremy Kyle, need to be fighting for the good of the people. Even if they know that they're making things worse. So by fighting our group, it allowed them to feel like they were doing something to better the world. Despite all the racial abuse. Fuck knows what their motives were, but they are some sick people, believe me. We were just telling immoral jokes. They want to ban the right to freedom of speech. They'll tell us countless ways in which they want us to die. They're uncontrollably racist. Essentially anyone who doesn't think the way they do, is their enemy. Remind you of anyone?


And one last thing I have to show:

This is a poster from the "Ban" group. Does no one else find that what is pictured in that babies hand to be pretty fucking sick. I mean fuck me. We told jokes. This group have made sex pictures of babies!

Something that I just noticed in the new group, is the following thread. I guess I wasn't the only one who thought all 141,000 of them were slightly retarded.

Now with only 7 days to go until my travelling, you'd think I'd be starting to make any necessary final arrangements and purchases before I leave. Well I have been trying. Though with the whole dead baby thing, I've barely had the time. I'm not sure I need to go travelling any more. I've found my calling in life in dead babies, so I don't need to go looking.

Now I hate to say that I control the media with my travel blogs, but it is amazing how quickly changes that I call for in my blogs get enforced in real life. Another example of this occuring, relates to what I was saying 2 blogs ago, in the 'Obamanation' blog. Did I, or did I not say that if film studios stopped trying to screw me over, then I would cease to continually access pirated material. Well look at what happened 4 days later. As reported by the BBC in this article, Youtube shall soon be showing full-length MGM films, free of charge. They will contain adverts within the broadcasts, so it's not all gravy, but that I deem to be an acceptable price to pay to watch a film. As I said in the Obamanation blog, I do believe that the film studios should receive a reasonable return for their investment, but the return that they currently ask for is unreasonable. Well this I deem to be reasonable. I hate to say it again, but the powers that be in the world... they all read this blog. How else do you explain all the changes that I advocate consistenly being enforced just days after my blogs are published? Coinscidence? I think not.

One other article that I noticed on the BBC website, which personally I found very funny, but will probably lead to even more people than currently do, thinking I'm a sick fucker, was the article Woman killed by husbands coffin. If, after reading the article, you can't see why that's funny, then I think that we just don't share a sense of humour, so I won't try and explain it. But I burst out laughing when I first heard the story.

Back to what I have actually managed to do regarding my travel, which should really feature more in this blog seeing as it's a travel blog. Well, I've tried booking my orientation in Vancouver, which is where I'd arrange things such as my social insurance number. When I did it in 2005, they even got a sales person from the local Fido store, I think the network was, with special offers on pay as you go phones, so you can get set up really quickly. Well I've sent them an email. That was 2 days ago, and they haven't got back to me. And I've tried booking my hostel in Vancouver. The same hostel that I wrote about in the blog I wrote on 17th September. Well I sent them a request 2 days ago, and they haven't got back to me either. So it's going well. I've ordered a passport cover on eBay, as well as a money belt seeing as I'm envisioning times within the first week in Canada where I will need to carry up to $1,500 on me at once, so I want a secure place. And although my initial plan was to wait until I got to Canada to buy things I'll need for the Winter, I got concerned that if Invermere is a small place, then there may only be one or two shops that stock what I need. And if this is the case, they may be expensive shops. And I don't shop at expensive shops. So what I've decided to do, is find some cheap items that I will need. Thermal underwear, ski-pants, that kind of thing. These will be my temporary items if the shops in Invermere are really pricey and I have to buy my main items online. It will mean my hands aren't tied to shop at the expensive places. And if the places in Invermere are actually reasonably priced, then they'll just be my spares. But with ski-pants sometimes costing upwards of $200, I didn't want my hand to be forced to buy them for when I need them for work. I ordered the thermals from a shop I found through eBay. I didn't purchase through eBay because I found that if you go onto this shops actual website, you can get a better deal, I guess because you're eliminating all the eBay fees. But their website wasn't really the best. I could probably have made it. So no surprise I didn't get any confirmation email. So I called them this morning, and if you've seen Little Britain, you'll know who I mean when I say Vicky Pollard. For the people that don't know, she's the kind of person that would have joined the "Ban" group mentioned earlier in the blog. Well that was pretty much who answered the phone. "Well the manager, yeah, he isn't here now, yeah, and he's the only one who has access to the orders, yeah. So I'll take ur number, yeah, and get him to call you when he gets back right?" At a guess this was just his daughter, because what kind of employee wouldn't have access to the orders? And at a guess, the company doesn't have an office or anything, because when they got around to calling me back, it was from a mobile phone. However, they did have my order, packed and ready to be shipped. And they ensured me that I'd receive an email when it did get shipped. So why I haven't got that email yet I don't know seeing as it was ready to be shipped hours ago. Shit website, chavs answering the phone. I must be mad. It's surely just a matter of time until that card starts getting used by someone else. I must've been mad to send my details on such an amateur website. And you want to know how long the order number was? UT1113967179111889853616.85. Yes, that is a 27 character order number. Because I'm sure they really have received that many orders in the past. Fuck me. Why not just make me order number 24 or something. Actually, just looking at my emails, the items have now been dispatched, so fingers crossed this one turns out ok.

Now you know how I say that regarding this trip, so far, what can go wrong, is going wrong. Well keep the trend going baby. I get a call from one of my many banks I have nowadays. After eventually passing the security tests, they tell me that there are suspect transations being made on one of my accounts. Cheeky bastards. Some fucker has somehow got my credit card details and has been buying things in New York. Fair play to Nationwide for figuring it out! And I always imagined a situation like this with a bank to be really awkward. They'd blame you, then you'd say fuck off, give me back my money. But it was all very simple. "I'll cancel that card, cancel the transactions and send you a form to claim the money back, she told me." I guess being a bank, they deal with that kind of thing a lot, but I was very impressed, not only for spotting the fraudulent use, but also for the way it was handled. It's the most stress-free way I could've had £600 stolen from me. This is the exact reason that my money is spread over what is now 7 different accounts. If it had happened a week from now, and I was in Canada; if it was my only account, I would have had my one card, hence my only access to my money, taken away from me. As it is though, it would have only been approximately 1/7th of my money, so it'd give me plenty of time to get it all sorted out. Worrying to know these things can happen so easily, but I was very impressed with Nationwide.

See what I mean about 'what can go wrong, is going wrong.' Now it's maybe 50/50 if I have my replacement card by the time I leave or not. But what I will say, is with all this going wrong, at least it's happening now. Had all this stuff happened after November 19th, I would have been fucked. So to look on the bright-side, maybe I'm having all my bad-luck for the next few years now, so when I get travelling, I'll be bad-luck-free. That's the way I'm looking at it. Things like having your credit card used are never going to be a good thing. But if it does have to happen, at least it's happening when I'm at home still. I would much rather it happen now than in a week from now, so look on the bright side eh.

In keeping with that theme though, guess what God decided to do this week. Again. The unoriginal mother-fucker has only gone an given me another bike puncture. I know I haven't replaced the tyres in over 4 years, but for fucks sake God, have some imagination. This is the 3rd one in only about 6 weeks for fucks sake. I'll probably get around to fixing it soon, but that may well only be so I can sell my baby. I don't know if I will sell her. We've done so much together. Been everywhere together, that to sell her seems a little hurtful. But the extra money, even if it was only maybe £20, would be welcome for my travelling. And what use will she provide staying here? She will surely be at retirement age by the time I return, so maybe it would just be best if we parted ways. We'll have to see. It wasn't fun saying goodbye to my DVDs, and even worse my PS2. We'd been together for even longer. But my God... I've spent more time with that bike than any person over the past 4 years. We go everywhere together. It'd be tough to say a final goodbye.

I need the money though. What did I tell you about the exchange rate? I know lowering the interest rate might historically lead to a weaker pound. This time though, it's just happening because I predicted it 2 blogs ago. And we all know how what I say in these blogs invariably happens. Just look at the film studios!

Exchange rates 12 November 2008. xe.com This is the exchange rate today. The £ vs the US$ was $1.595 when I wrote the Obamanation blog. Now it is just $1.502. Though on the plus-side, when I looked about 20 minutes ago, it was at $1.49, so things are on the up. And the CA$ has dropped a couple of ¢ vs the £ as well. So what did I tell you? What I say in these blogs, goes. But as this pound falls, I'm getting poorer when I'm abroad, so I really could use the £20 for selling my bike. I guess it'd be similar to selling your wife or your child. And that's pretty much accepted in society nowadays.

And for all you Palin-hating, patriotic Americans out there, too lazy to do anything useful with your day, there's a new game for you. Super Obama world. I'll be honest, I'm shit at it. You go around as Obama, killing pigs with lipstick, collecting US flags. Apparently you have to fight Palin somewhere, but I wasn't good enough to get to that bit. I liked the level "I can see Russia from my house." Maybe rather than Alaska, they could set Super Obama World 2 in the country of Africa that Palin knows so much about. Here's a couple of screen shots that I took. The game can be found at superobamaworld.com.

Super Obama World
Super Obama World

And what day is it today? That's right, day 116 of the Jro detox. 116 days since last having alcohol. Just 6 days to reach one third of a year with no alcohol. And 2 days after that is the 4-month mark! I very much doubt I'll make it to any further milestone dates, but it's been good while it lasted. A third of a year, no alcohol. I never thought I'd see the day.

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