Who needs friends when you have football?


So I finished writing the last blog saying how happy I was not to go out to the pub, because beer was too damn expensive. Something along those lines anyway. Well about 2 minutes after I finished writing that, I got a text from Kirsty, and I was off to the pub. I guess that was just wishful thinking last time I wrote.

When she said that they were just leaving for the pub, I took into consideration that she's a girl, so when she says they're just leaving, she means that they'll be leaving in about ½ an hour. And I also took into consideration that the pub is about a 15 minute walk from Chris and Kirsty's house. Otherwise knows as the house I was almost living in. So I left it an hour until I got to the pub. But I still managed to beat them there by about 15 minutes. When I'd met Kirsty the night before, she had this little hat on, with, sort of ears. I didn't think that too many people would have hats like that. So when I first got into the pub and see someone in this hat, with blonde hair coming out the back, it must have been Kirsty. So I did go ahead and make an absolute nob of myself by going over and saying hi to someone who I thought was Kirsty, but actually wasn't. Good start to the night. I sat at the bar for a bit, got to know the barman a little, and spoke to the 2 servers from the club the night before. There was a bit of tension in the pub though. It was a Saturday night. And there was some hockey game on, with these 2 old people sat in the corner watching it. Everyone else in this rather large pub wanted music on. But these 2 old people refuted the idea. And you'd be surprised how angry that made a lot of people in this pub. I think it was a bit of a relief to the staff when the game finally ended because whether they left the hockey on, or when the tried to turn the music on, they got abuse from someone.

When Kirsty and Chris finally did arrive though, I got to talk to them properly, for the first time really. I hadn't spoke to them too much the night before at all, so it was good to speak to them properly. There was a part of me that was hoping they were absolute assholes, because that way I wouldn't have regret about not living with them. Unfortunately though, it appears I would have been able to get along with them as well as I figured before getting to Invermere. So there's a part of me already regretting that I'm not living with them. Too late to do anything about it now though. They still have that spare room. And it wouldn't have even been expensive, as I initially thought. Kirsty will be sharing with a girl from Newcastle, who I think arrives today, and then there would be 2 other rooms. One with Chris in, and then one that is still spare. That I would have been in. So fuck it. I missed out there. Why couldn't they just be assholes?

I only had a couple of pints tonight. So unlike the night before, it didn't work out costing more than a pair of skis. But it was worthwile being there, because I met quite a few more people. I have a load more numbers in my phone now, and a few more contacts, so it's all good! One problem that I have, that I've always had, is that I cannot listen when people tell me their names. I think I was born without the part of the brain that allows me to do so, or something. Because whenever anyone introduces themselves to me, I don't know if I'm thinking about boobs, or calculating pi to 1,000 digits, or focussing on quantum physics or what. But what I do know, is that I'm never actually listening to what people say. Never. So right now my phone is just loaded with numbers that just have descriptions of people. Because I always feel bad asking people their names again. Especially, because being called Jethro, I have quite a memorable name, plus I'm an unforgettable person, no one ever forgets my name. So I never actually ask people their name again. I just add them into my phone by description. So I have to be careful that fat girl never actually gets her chubby mits onto my phone, because that might be the end of our friendship. It was cool to meet people though. I don't feel such a loner in this town anymore.

And the other thing I found out from tonight, is that there was some staff bus going to some kind of springs tomorrow on a trip. Fairmont springs or something. And most people I met tonight were going, so I was thinking fuck it, this'll be a good time to meet a shit-load more people. So please tell me, why the fuck would they have such an event on a full NFL Sunday? I can't think of any reason either. Like fuck I'm missing 3 live NFL games, plus Chelsea-Arsenal, to sit in some damn hot water. They did not think this one through. It might have been the best opportunity I'll get to meet people. To make new friends. But then, as the old saying I just made up goes; who needs friends when you have football?

It's upsetting enough that my first day of training was moved to be next Sunday, rather than on Monday, because not only will I miss all next weeks NFL, but Everton will be on TV over here, whooping Villa. So I was upset enough about that. There's no way I'm missing a second week of NFL to sit in some damn steamy water. No way.

So that was literally my Sunday. I got up at 09:00, just in time for kick-off to Chelsea - Arsenal. Which was a good game, so glad I did that. Then as soon as the final whistle went in that, the Colts - Browns kicked off. I needed Internet at some point today, so seeing as this game started out as a field-goal fest, I went to Gerry's mid-way through the first quarter, to get some Internet. After the dramas of yesterday I obviously wasn't buying another fucking coffee. So I went for something safe. A bubble-gum flavoured milkshake. This was like some bright-blue ice-cream filled cup of something. Essentially, it was just a cup of fat, which, on a day when my only plan is to sit in front of the TV all day, probably isn't the best thing to eat. But it was better than coffee.

I said in the last blog, that today was some kind of Super Sunday in Invermere. So everyone was out in town. And as I was sitting in Gerry's doing my Internet stuff, there was even some kind of parade went on by. I say parade, it was really a couple of pick-up trucks with some people standing in the back waving. But by Invermere standards, I guess that counts as a parade. But the bottom-line, downtown was really full. And as I'm walking back from Gerry's, I notice I'm getting strange looks of everyone I pass. And that's a lot of people compared to normal, because it's all full in here. And I can't figure out why people are looking at me.

After 5 minutes though, I get back to the condo, so it's all good. Well it is until I look in the mirror. What I hadn't gambled on, is that this bright blue milkshake, was going onto my lips. And my lips had literally turned a bright blue. And it didn't look like someone who had just drunk a bright blue drink. It looked like someone who had put on a bright blue lipstick. I was in my Seahawks shirt. Imagine a transvestite in a Seahawks jersey, and that's what I looked like right now. Fuck. No wonder I was getting funny looks off people. Damn milkshake. This is the danger of not having Internet in your appartment. People start thinking you're a damn transvestite.

Luckily I had missed pretty much fuck-all in the football. It was only 6-3 when I got back I think, so a good game to skip out on. And here, in front of the football, is where I stayed for the next few hours. Firstly for the end of this game. Then for the entire Jets - Broncos game. I had to pop-out again after that one, because not only were my lips a bright-blue today, but the cold had really got to them. I would normally just let them heal themselves in that situation, rather than putting chapstick on. But it had got to the point that it hurt just to smile. So I was deliberately being miserable. Just because it was painful to be happy. So my only other venture outside all day, was down to sobey's for what is essentially lipstick. This was definitely one of my gayer days.

I did text Kirsty a couple of times to see if they were going to be in the pub last night. They would have the NFL on in the pub as well, so I could make friends and watch football. Kill 2 birds with one stone. Though obviously the football would take priority. But after a while, I got a text saying something along the lines of: "We've decided not to go out tonight." We've decided! This is why I was worried that I wouldn't be living with these guys. In that pre-departure blog when I'm banging on about my previous accomodations, this is exactly how it was. People who were living together would decide what was going to happen that night. And I would just get the text letting me know. And that is one of the reasons that I was a little concerned I wasn't going to be living with these guys, because if we would get on as well as I thought we would, which we currently are, then we'll probably see each other a lot. And I don't just want to be the guy that gets texted when we're going out or not. I want input dammit. Though once Greg gets here, I guess that'll change.

That was literally my day yesterday though. 2 hours of soccer. Followed by about 10 hours on NFL. Then for good measure, I watched an NFL highlights show after that, just for the games I didn't see live. And to top it all off, I finished with an hour of UFC. Fuck. I'm becoming American already. Sitting in front of the TV for about 15 hours a day. I would have days similar to that in England on Sundays. But then on Monday, I'd be at the gym by 07:00 the next morning, so it didn't really matter. Here I'm doing nothing on Monday either. I'm literally becoming a fat-American. Watching TV all day. Eating fast-food. How did this happen so quickly?

I never thought I'd say this phrase, but I'm actually looking forward to work starting. I need some damn direction. Because at the moment I'm waking up everyday with absolute fuck-all to do. I still haven't even located a map of the town yet, so I'm a little apprehensive about going off hiking anywhere to fill my day. I just don't know what I will get to if I go North, South, East or West. And I'm not adverse to the occasional adventure. But it's not like we're in a city here. If I walk off randomly in some direction, it'll probably be about 10 miles before I actually come to anything. I guess if I didn't have work to look forward to, then I'd have been a little more adventurous by now. But I'm just kind of waiting for work to start. I just want the structure. I have though heard that there is a gym somewhere in town. Not too far from here either. But apparently it costs $8 to use. However, Panorama will pay $6 of that once I start working for them. So I can't even use this apparent gym yet, because it'll cost me $6 more than it otherwise would. I just need to start work. I need it. I never thought I'd feel like that. But right now, I'm pretty much just hanging around town, doing nothing with my day. I just feel kind of empty.

Anyhow, you remember the blue milkshake? Well I assume it was that, because that is the only thing I ate yesterday that was anything out of the ordinary. Now I wouldn't normally talk about faeces. But I woke up this morning and my shit was bright green. Literally, bright green. I've never had anything like that come out of my ass before. You could have made The Incredible Hulk action figures out of my shit, it was that green. This isn't something that I would normally do. But I was so proud of what I had produced, that I actually got my camera and took a picture. It was the best thing that I've ever seen come out of my ass before. Made my whole day! I don't know what it was though. I don't remember eating anything green yesterday. I guess the blue milkshake changed colour somehow. But I was so proud. I think this is how chics feel when they give birth. They are proud that they crapped out something so beautiful. And this was exactly how I felt this morning. I was shitting art!

Green Shit

One of the strangest things about my time in Invermere, is that after nearly a week, I hadn't once been to the Subway here. What the fuck is that all about? So I set about to rectify that this morning. I have to say though, what a fucking disappoinment. It was a really expensive one, the staff were fucking retards, and the veg wasn't even that fresh. What the fuck is that all about? I've never been trained as a sandwich artist before. But I know that every bite should have every flavour. That's the whole philosophy of Subway. So when you ask for a little bit of ranch dressing, you assume that they'll put a little bit on all the sandwich. What kind of fucking retard, would just put the normal amount on, but on only part of the sandwich. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Don't they have passion to be a sandwich artist? Very disappointing. Especially with A&W right across the street, and a lot cheaper with real glasses of coke, I can't see I'll be frequenting this Subway too often. What a strange time for me. Every bite should be the same. Don't these idiots know anything about sandwiches. Jesus Christ! You just can't get the staff nowadays.

And that is what's brought me to now. I just got a text from Ryan, as in Ryan and Jeremy, the guys I went out with in Vancouver. They're on the bus from Calgary now, so I'll probably be seeing them in a few hours. And greg is on his way into town this evening. He's getting in at 09:35 tonight, so I'll finally get to meet the guy I'll be living with for the next 4 months. And hopefully get about $700 from him as well. That'll be a good way to start. I guess he can just pay me back in beer if not, seeing as it appears that is where all my money will be going anyway. But I guess I've slept in the condo alone for the last time. I'm not sure if I'm happy or not that he'll be here. What typically happens in this situation, is that I'll be really happy for the next couple of weeks. But once I've got used to the idea, I'll be like man!, I wish I had my own place. Because that's just the kind of cunt that I am. Seriously though, I'm quite excited to get to finally meet him. Afterall, he has to be an adequate replacement for me not living with Kirsy and Chris, so the pressure's on! Depending on when I next hear from Jeremy and Ryan though, there's a pretty good chance I could have had a few drinks by the time he arrives. I think I make a good first impression when I'm drunk. That's a lie. But fuck it. The downside is that the landlords aren't in town right now. So we're going to have to walk back from the bus stop. Assuming he gets dropped off where I got dropped off, that's right by Subway, so about a 15-minute walk from the condo. So fingers-crossed he doesn't have too much stuff with him. Maybe I can get, like 10 people down to the bus station. That'd be quite funny. Scare him as he gets off the bus. I do hope I recognise him as well. Unless something goes seriously wrong though, like his bus crashes and he dies, next time I write, I should have a flatmate. And an extra $700. Until then... well seeing as I don't have any Internet, I guess I'll watch some more TV. Because that's what us American's do!

Oh and one more that that I just feel the need to mention before I go, because I'm actually a little proud of it, is that I've been here nearly a week now. But you know something; I'm still wearing my first pair of pants. Not as in American pants, but as in underwear. How awesome is that eh! I'll only have to do, like 2 loads of washing all Winter at this rate. And I know what you're thinking... Man that's unhygenic. Well I beg to differ. I smelt them this morning. And they're still clean! Which surely just goes to demonstrate that I'm just a really, really clean person. If I can wear the same pair of pants for a whole week and they're still clean, then that is just a demonstration of my absolute great hygene. It's the people that have to change their pants everyday. They're the unhygenic ones. I must just be super clean. Because after a week, I don't even smell. Now that is fucking hygene!


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