Bus blog

I was a bit bored on the bus from Vancouver. So with a pen and paper in hand, and fuck all else to keep me occupied, I wrote out the following.

I really have nothing that I want to say right now. But it' over 12 hours until I pull into Invermere. And this pen & paper is my only company. So fuck it. I'm just going to write & see what appears on the paper. If nothing else, it can't fail to be better than my last blog, which, judging by what I've done over the past few days, should have been one of the best that I've ever written. But this morning when I wrote it, my body was just... fucked. Although I didn't drink yesterday, this morning I was suffering after a couple of days of excessive alcohol abuse, which really just goes to show that I can have the most interesting things in the world to write about. But if I'm not in the right mood for it; it's just going to come out as shit. Much like my handwriting because this bus is so damn bumpy. Writing this though, it reminds me of '05. In '05, for the 6 weeks after I left Vancouver, travelling up through Alaska, The Yukon, & most of the rest of Canada until I got to New York, I kept a blog just like this. Anytime that I had a chance, I'd pull out my paper & pen, & just write what came to my mind. And after those 6 weeks, I think I was left with over 200 sides, just like this one. Over 200 sides of whatever came to my mind as I was travelling. And I guess that maybe that was the catalyst for why I write now. That blog never got typed up, & it never got shown to anyone. And since then, I've never read it through. The paper has been little more than a dead weight. But I think a lot of the value that you get in writing, isn't the reading it through as you'd expect. I think a lot of the value is just in the writing itself. It'll clear your mind, & it'll help to access & clarify information within your brain, that without writing, you just wouldn't access. Then again in early 2007, I started to keep a blog of my year away in Nova Scotia. And I really think that that could have been a good read because most of it was written in the past tense, rather than as things happen as I'm doing now. And I think when you're writing about the past, you tend to focus on the parts that actually matter. Where as writing in the present, you just write about what is fresh in your mind. And that can often be stuff, that really provides no interest to read. As I find out when I read back through some of my blog entries. I think a good example of that is the Mexico blogs that I wrote once I got back. There were just focused on the bits that really reverberated in my mind. But I guess there's no easy way to keep a regular blog like that. Unfortunately that blog I wrote in early 2007 was lost, as after over 40 pages in Word; I think the word count exceeded 60,000, my laptop crashed. And the data wasn't backed up. I guess you could say that on this trip I've learnt from my mistakes of my previous travelling. Now I type my blogs directly, learning from '05. And I back them up by publishing them on a website. Learning from 2007. I guess looking at it like that, 2005, & 2006/07 were just the practise trips for this one.

But anyway. Fuck yeah. I'm now less than 12 hours away from Invermere. It's been a 10-month journey to get this far, & now I'm just 12 hours away. I really don't know what to expect either. I phoned my landlords again this afternoon just to finalise that they will be there. And I am expecting a man with a red pick-up to be waiting for me as I get off the bus. And what of everyone else? I've been speaking to people online for months now. And the 2 that I've met already, Ryan & Jeremy, were about as sound a pair of guys that you could meet. If everyone is like that it'll be a good Winter. But you know my one worry? After all of the hype I've given to finally arriving, what if I can't find anyone? Of all the people I've regularly spoken to, Kirsty is the only one who will be there already. And what if I can't find her tomorrow? Or she doesn't want to go out in the evening? After all the hype, my first night in Invermere could be a wank & a pot noodle. What a fucking let down that would be! But it's a very real possibility. What a shit way to start that would be. The only contact I have for Kirsty is her Facebook. So if she doesn't happen to go online in the next 24 hours, my first night in Invermere could get about as exciting as writing another blog. On a positive note I guess, I've drunk enough over the past couple of nights out, that a few days off would be no bad thing. I could work on reducing the cup-size of my recently acquired moobs. "What did you do in your first night in Invermere? I did press-ups all night." Hardly a story to write home & tell the grandkids about.

Just that second I looked out the window. And you can tell we're getting inland. There's pretty thick snow on the roadside. Makes it feel like I'm really on my way to work in a ski-resort.

You know, I think one of the other reasons I'm writing right now, is that I'm way too cautious to actually sleep. I'm glancing over my shoulder as I write this, but in my inside jacket pocket, I have about $1,500 in cash to give my landlords. And it's too damn hot on the bus to actually wear the jacket. Then in my bag on the floor I have, maybe another $250 cash, 2 credit cards, a laptop, an mp3, & a digital camera, to name just some of the joys I'm carrying with me. I'm a walking fucking goldmine. And it's only that my writing is such a mess because the bus is so jumpy, that I'm confident that anyone looking over my shoulder couldn't actually read my writing, that I'm saying this. Because I really don't want to advertise all the treasures I currently have on my person.

Now having written a moderately long blog earlier today, but wanting to do more writing now to amuse myself, I am in the unique position of having more time to write, than I have things I want to write about. Normally I'm having to shorten my blogs through lack of time. In fact I've been thinking for a while, that if I was to regularly keep blogs, which were as detailed as I wanted them to be, then for each day of my life I lived, it would take me 3 days to write about. To examine every thought and every action I make, in the detail that I would want to, it would take me longer to write about my life than it would to actually live it. So to be in a position where I'm not having to cut corners as I write, is something of a luxury.

Why do people travel? I'm not talking about me personally. If you read these blogs, then you will know in more detail than you could want to, why I travel. I'm talking about people in general. Why do people travel? If you ask people, you will invariably get one standard answer: To experience other cultures. What a bullshit response that is to give. But it has become a socially accepted excuse to blow all your money on an extended holiday, so people stick with it. So what do people mean when they "experience other cultures?" They mean that they want to learn, right? They want to learn what it is that other people do, better than we do it. In my limited travelling since I first left for Vancouver, I've been to a few places. So what have I learnt. Which "cultures" do what things the best? What could some countries, or cultures I've been to, learn from others.

Well the first one I think is obvious. Yet the only place I've ever been, where it was enforced, was Mexico. You're out on the streets of London, or Toronto, or New York, and you do something that draws the attention of the police. So a lady cop comes over to give you a talking to. In every country other than Mexico, that I've been to, it's impossible to tell if the lady cops are hot or not. They all wear so much padding and such unflattering clothing, it's impossible to know how you're supposed to act with her. Do you go for a phone number? Do you let her play with your truncheon? You just don't know. And you run the risk of hitting on a girl who you think it hot, but it turns out she's ugly. And we've all been there. I mean that's a trauma I wish for no man to expericence. Yet this near worldwide problem could be solved if countries followed the lead of Mexico. They put their lady-cops in skin-tight black leg-ins. And straight away, you can tell if they're hot or not. So many problems are eradicated by a simple bit of common-sense: Making chics where ass-tight pants all the time. I mean for fucks sake it's so obvious. What is there to possibly gain from putting them in ugly-girl clothing? Exactly. It's just such an obvious solution to a worldwide problem. Fuck I could solve all the world's dilemmas if more people just listened to me!

Next, what does Canada do better than everyone else? What wisdoms do they offer the world? Well this one's obvious as well. And I said it in the last blog. They hide away all the fat & ugly chics. Not that Canada has many. Because in comparison to rubbish countries like the US & UK, Canada is incredibly healthy. It's a lot rarer to see a 20-stone fat person walking down the street in Vancouver than in London, or definitely New York. But even so, Canada does have the occasional ugly person. You'd never know it though. Who are you going to deal with in your daily activities? Waitreses, receptionists, strippers; that kind of thing. Well Canada is the only place I've ever been to where you have to be hot to get that job. There simply are no ugly waitresses. And it makes the world such a better place! I mean you go to a restaurant to get dinner, right? Well you don't exactly want your breakfast served to you by someone who's going to put you off eating it now, do you? Well Canada's greatest wisdom, is that they hide away all the uggo's. Not only is it great because you're in contact only with hot chics all day. But surely it's encouragement for the ugly ones to shape-up. I mean if you're surrounded only by hot chics all day, & you're 3-stone overweight; that's got to be encouragement to do something about it. So then you get to a situation where all the fat chics start getting to the gym. And once they shape up, what are you left with? You're left with a world with only hot chics in. And that's really what everyone wants. You have a McDonalds on every corner in Canada as well. So ask yourself why the number of fatties in Canada is so low. It's because every waitress in Canada is stunning. And every receptionist is stunning. And if you're surrounded by people better than you are, you're going to do something about it. It's such an obvious system. Yet the UK government makes companies tick the boxes for having a certain number of ugly employees. And it fucks the system up. They claim they're doing all they can to combat obesity. But are they really? To them, the vote of an ugly person is worth the same as the vote of a hot person. And seeing as there are so many ugly people in the UK, we're in a downward spiral where the government doesn't allow discrimination against people, just because they're ugly. And because of this, more & more people are getting uglier & uglier. And if we carry on like this, we're going to be left with a country of only ugly people. I mean look at what happened in Germany. But I guess the roots of the problem stem all the way back to the very foundation of our democracy. If ugly peoples votes counted for less than normal peoples, the government would panda to them less & we could get started with a healthy dose of discrimination, which, as has been proven in Canada, leads only to the populus becoming prettier. But I've been saying for years that democracy is the UK doesn't work. And just look at how many ugly people we have there now. I rest my case.

Do you see where I'm coming from? If the whole world wasn't too stubborn to follow the leads of those who do things better, then with just looking at Canada & Mexico, we'd have less ugly people in the world, and all the lady-cops would wear ass-tight pants. Now try telling me that doesn't sound like a better world.

This discussion will continue at another time, when I'll reveal the gifts of knowledge offered by some more cultures. For now though, it's 23:15. I'm already going to have a very staggered night of sleep. So for now at least I'm going to put the pen & paper down. God bless ass-tight pants on lady-cops. It's so fucking obvious!

Home Back to travel blog Back to top Print this blog